and you’re invited

Pretty ambigous title I know. It’s been along time since I put some keys to the edit box here on my site. Not alot I’ve had to write about until now. This is a question I have asked myself internally on more than one occasion. When you as a man like I am hang out with another man, a friend of yours. What is considered the acceptable length of time spent with this friend for it not to be considering bailing out?

Say just the other day I was at a friend of mine’s house, who I want name for obvious reasons. Well anyway I called him earlier in the day and asked him what he had goin on. He said the usual answer of, “Shit, just hangin out at the house with the old lady, wanna come over?”. So I say “sure”, like I always do when I call. I mean thats the only reason I ever call him. We don’t have phone conversations.

So I get over to his house a little later on and nothing was goin on really. Played a little Guitar Hero 3 but other than that it was a borefest. So after about 30 minuts of being at this dudes house I can’t take it. So I decide I have got to find a reason to get out of here. So here I am asking myself, “Why do I need a reason?”. It’s not like he’s my wife or my mother or something. I did come over and hang out. Is there some kind of time quota that must be met within the man code of friendship ethics that states how long a “get together” must last before you can make a honorable exit?

Hell, noone reads this shit anyway so it’s not like I’m ever gonna figure this one out. So honestly fuck you all, lol. By the way I ended up staying for like 3 hours since I couldn’t think of a valid excuse.

Haven’t had much to write about these days. So here watch a video.

Or so I wish. Today I go to get in the shower to do my daily wash my ass routine when I notice something is wrong. My bar of Ivory soap is running dangerously thin. I figure I can make this work, I’ll just be gentle with it. Yea well as I’m sure you have figured out by the fact that I am writing this that didn’t work. I went to apply the bar of soap to my high glass dollar store wash cloth and guess what happens? That’s right my friends, the bar of soap crumbles into about 45 different tiny pieces. So here I am with a soap puzzle and a dirty ass. What do I do now?

I quickly survey the shower stall and browse through the 64 different bottles of what the hell ever. Female roomate, what can you do. Anyway I look down and see a green bar of soap. I’m thinking to myself, Irish Spring, not my favorite but its better than this coconut girly body wash crap I’m surrounded with. So I apply the “Irish Spring” to the wash cloth and do society my duty and clean myself with it. After a good lather session I begin to rinse myself off and notice something strange, something that pushes me to the point of 1st degree murder. I’m not feeling clean. I keep rinsing and I still don’t have the squeaky clean feeling I prefer to have, hence why I avoid all the body wash bullshit.

So here I am trying to rinse for the next 10 minutes to get the greasy feeling off of me. The whole time I’m thinking that I know I don’t like Irish Spring, but I know it’s not THAT bad. So I get out and do some investigative reporting in the bathroom cabinets to see what kind of Irish Spring this exactly was. I open the top cabinet and something catches my eye, hits my retna like staring into a solar eclispe directly. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? This isn’t Irish Spring… it… says… “Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar“! It all makes sense now. I have been forced to use WOMAN soap under the guise of being a semi not so ok man soap. Even worse it says “Cucumber And Green Tea Scent”. CUCUMBER AND FUCKING TEA! Great now for the rest of the damn day I’m gonna smell like a Starbucks salad bar!

Since the feeling I get with this soap after “washing” or should I say frying I have decided to help Dove redesign the box for this “soap” to better state what it really makes me feel like. As of this moment I am never going to ever use an unidentified soap. If my supply of real soap Ivory is running low or depleted I’m just not gonna shower. I don’t care if I just finished working a double shift down at the OK Corral shoveling horse shit. I’d rather smell like ass than ever get out of the shower feeling like I just took a swim in McDonald’s friers.

Yes last year I reformatted my computer. Your probably thinking, so what. Here is where it gets embarassing. I was tricked into running format from the command line by a forum post. That’s right ladies and gentlemen. Your internet hero fell for one of the oldest ruses in the book.

I had almost erased this from my memory untill I decided to go browse around on Will aka Da squirells blog a few minutes ago. And what do I see half way down the page? A post entitled “Sorry Error”. I’m thinking, sorry for what? Then I start reading and like a lsd envoked nam flashback it hits me. JESUS CHRIST, I fell for this. The shame I am feeling hit me like a fat women at the buffet before closing time as she races to get that last piece of bbq chicken. I cannot believe this happened to me. How can I ever make fun of someone on the internet again? I feel so lame I should probably just cancel my cable internet and download the AOL. HeLl eVeN mY InTeNeTs TyPing5 R feElinS teH efFeCts of Da EvEnt.

Lol anyway, enough of me completely kicking my own ass over this. Go ahead and read Will’s post on the internets for the story as was posted a day or two after the event. If you never come back to my site again after reading this I understand. I’d delete myself too if I could.